[x]

midnightthat night, you smelled of sea salt and long-forgotten rain.
you held my hand as we walked in silence.

that night, you looked into my eyes and promised me the next one hundred summers.
you kissed my forehead and smiled.

that night, you pulled me to the reflection of the sky and sent ripples through its surface.
you laughed as we splashed in the salty water.

i remember thinking,
"it feels so good to be
secluded, like this.
it's like
we're the only people
in the world."

our souls were put to sleepthere's a monster lying dormant in him while he's sleeping
and it's tearing him apart from the inside out.
the fire roars "there is hope, the beast is dead",
but it's lying straight to our faces.

and we would tell ourselves we'd do the things the lovers do in all the movies,
not ever caring what other people think.
but we're not on a movie set and things aren't planned;
i only wish i had the guts to be a star.

there is hope for me only
when you smile that gentle smile;
there is love for me only
when i remember being a child:
innocent and lucky,
without anxiety or fear,
only dreams that speak to honest faces
and questions that b

a place for secrets.tell me all your little secrets—
cut yourself open
and pour your soul into my listening ears.
fabricate the story of your life,
like a colorful sweater
and pull it over my head until it fits just right.

i want to know everything.

;

that night, you shared a world
that i had never known,
and you told me stories and secrets,
that you had never told.
it was like watching your life on an old movie-screen,
like at a drive-in, or a silent film.
only instead of no sound, there were no pictures—
just words stringing themselves on
the nooks and crannies of my brain,
like beads on a worn-out string.

;

so many things happened

home.take a deep breath, hold it in--don't forget to hold your nose. jump into scalding water and we'll see what you really look like when you come out.

you'll be boiled down to the bone and we'll all scrape the marrow from the edges and whisper things like "have you lost weight?" into the side of your skull.

i woke up at 6 AM today, couldn't fall back to sleep. my hormones have been going crazy and i've been bleeding three weeks straight. i'm not concerned enough to go to a doctor, though. i think the world would go on just fine without me. out of all the people in the world, i'm probably very low on the overall importance list. but that's okay

birth.i can feel the blood boiling in my veins but somehow i don't want it to stop.

                      this is the place
                 the place that lives in darkness
                   the place where you can't even see your hand in front of your face
and this is where i was born,

wrapped in sheets of flesh and thorny brambles, torn about in endless s

white.pale as bones, she whispers words to me,
and i wonder why the world
can't ever stay the same.

she is without.
she is above, beyond,
without.
sucked dry by hopelessness,
&

beginnings and ends.pause and play
black and white
photographs

and vertigo with nothingness
and endless thoughts
all about i love you

and jump off cliffs
with me.

hey little girl
lost inside your own
inhibitions
do you love it when
you shed shining tears

bug bites
and summer nights
and dress-up dolls
and skinned knees
and hope
and loss.
the sun is too bright
for my sensitive soul
and blackened

you don't miss me.i am sick of smiles.
they are always fake.
(especially mine.)

i feel like i should give up,
like i'm hollow on the inside,
and i don't want to sleep
anymore.

let me
walk the streets
like the ghost
i really am.

i hope you find your calling someday,
because i fear i will fade away
before i will see the day
you smile.

i hope i can find my voice again,
because i think about it too much, now,
and it makes me want to cry.
(this is all my fault, you shouldn't know these things.)

a precious lie i've known wasn't true
for a long time.

i am lost and alone for eternity, a constant mix
of relief and loneliness
without a person
i n

brighter.those nights when words flew through rip-cage clouds
were suddenly ripped out from under our feet,
and we stumbled and fell into darkness.

those nights where i would put off my breakdown
by writing with only red ink
were the makings of my new persona
of self-doubt and humanity
that lead to taking roots,
and starting as a real person
this time.

your eyes were so dark on those nights.

x

we'd look at each other and know.
we'd let out thoughts wander and we'd know.
we'd think of our favorite memories and know.
we'd cry and we'd know
that no matter what we did,
our tears wouldn't stop unless...

unless my heart got a little strong

sticks and stones                               your tongue is the sharpest blade,
                            your breath is the hottest fire.
                         your words scald me like glowing coals,

this is what i would wish for.god, please hear my desperate prayer. i need more time, so much more time, i haven't told him yet. i need to tell him. this burning in my stomach that is so warm it makes my cheeks flush needs to be expressed; he needs to know.

it runs through my head as our voices fall silent and you are almost gone. you are about to slip through my fingers and all i can do is wish--wish for all the clocks to stop, wish for you to stay forever, for us to lie here in peaceful darkness, lost in our own personal eternity.

the burning in my stomach is what makes me hug you just a little too tightly. it's what makes me ask you all the questions you don't unders

yellow.the wind picks up in a velvet zephyr, telling us all that autumn is coming with its soft, cooing howl. i walk alone down sleeping streets, avoiding the streetlights; i prefer the soft blackness of untainted night.

i whisper up at a moth, "why are you clinging to the light? it's a fool's errand. you can touch it again and again and again and again but you won't ever truly grasp it."

i watch her eyelashes flutter. she is dreaming.
i wonder sleepily what she is dreaming of, but
i quickly dismiss the thought. i know she is dreaming

Above and Beyond
Are you prepared to go where no one has ever gone before?

If so, step up to me now. Show me that you are brave. Show the world you are not afraid of it's dark underbelly; that you won't just sit back and let the spotlight sparkle on some one else's face!

I want to see you. For who you really are.

If you are faint of heart, this is your last warning. If you are mentally impaired, prone to seizures, heart attack or failure, are pregnant, might be pregnant within the next three weeks, have a weak spine, a lazy eye, are easily frightened, prejudice, racist, sexist, homophobic, arachnophobic, germophobic, afraid of bats, bright lights, change

alive."i can feel the mountains in your soul," she whispered to him as she kissed his collarbone.

"i can hear your heart throb," he replied.

i can almost feel you crying.

+

count backwards from heartbreak.
threetwoone, i love you.

+

can you hear my bones break? can you hear my heart tear? can you feel my veins explode? can you feel me split?

i want to watch you writhe.

+

your touch is an electric shock, it jolts my heart every time.
run your fingers
up and down my spine.

+

everything stops.
there is nothing but silence. darkness. fear.
and suddenly,

a car crash in the distance.

outdated.i dreamt i was a shooting star,
flying across the sky like i
was one of those streamers
that shoots out of the little
poppers on new years eve.

july fifteenth.
i miss your smile the most o

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the decisions you makeWhen the hell was I supposed to understand this, anyway? I mean, it's not like there's anything I can do. I'm just a silly little girl with dreams in her head and stitched-up smiles and too much make-up. When was I ever anything to anybody?

Let me tell you something, little bitch in the corner:
You're just a girl that likes to think she's a somebody.
You're just a girl who pretends that she's got problems because it makes you feel better about yourself--like you've got things to fight for, live for, cry for. Like you've got meaning, or some crap.

Well you don't. You just don't. Life isn't about that, you just have to stick it through and

best friendsi broke my back the other day
bending over for you.
you helped me up and split
the medical bill with me,
but you never even said
you were sorry.
(but that’s okay, i know you’re not the affectionate type.)

you were the only one who came
that day when i was alone,
but you said you had to leave
before i could even tell you what
was wrong.
(but that’s okay—you tried so hard just to get there.)

ever since i can remember
i’ve had you at the top of my list.
but now i see that i’m the only one
who had a list at all.
(but that’s okay, everyone should matter.)

i would try to keep my mouth
shut tight

even the sky cries."Psst. Hey. Are you awake?"

"I am now," I mumbled, opening one eye. "What is it?"

"It's raining." Her grin was brighter than diamonds, and ten thousand times more precious.

I looked up at the window above my bed, and there they were: dainty little droplets pitter-pattering on the moonlit glass. I smiled.

"See?"

"I see." I reached out an arm and weaved it around her shoulders, and she snuggled up against me. I kissed her forehead, closing my eyes. I wanted to remember this moment forever.

"If I wasn't so tired..." she began, a yawn interrupting her sweet voice, "I'd say we should...go out in it..."

"That's okay," I whispered into her ho

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[x]

the science of silence.

by ~SubstituteSadist, May 7, 2009, 9:52:06 PM
Literature / Poetry / Experimental / Surrealism

your arms form a barrier, blocking out all sound,
all thoughts,

there is nothing but you.

you.

you are the only thing that
can make a buzzing fan
sound like a butterfly;
a creaking house
like a lullaby.

moaning wind and soft footsteps,
    tickings of clocks, downstairs.

but you made it feel like a soft cocoon;
a weightless wall of something golden:

                                                       silence.

                             "silence is good in its absolution,"
                             is what you said to me once.
                             i understand what you meant now-

it's like floating, it's like flying,
but without the adrenaline rush.
it's like hoping, it's like wishing,
only this
            gave me everything i wished for.

silence is like diamonds in the rough:
crystal clear;
like water you can't feel;
more precious and hard to come by
   than all the world's most sought-for treasures-

                             it's like you.

                                                          it made me think of dreaming- like you're only half there.
                                                          i felt as if i could burst with energy or fall asleep
                             all at the same time,

                                                                                       and i wish-

the science of silence.by ~SubstituteSadist

Literature / Poetry / Experimental / Surrealism

_{i wish i could have fallen asleep in your arms; there is really no place i would rather be.

blue is coming soon.

xx

i am still in shock--a daily deviation?! you have got to be kidding me! thank you SO much! to everyone who faves/comments/watches and of course to ^LadyLincoln for featuring me. please read my journal that discusses my "deal" with all you guys: [link]}

Daily Deviation

Given 2009-05-18

~SubstituteSadist's poem the science of silence vast appeal lies not only in the flow of the words, but also in the wonderful meaning behind it. ( Featured by `LadyLincoln )

love 5 5

joy 5 5

wow 1 1

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~TsukiHaruhi Dec 21, 2010

This is amazing o.o

~SubstituteSadist Oct 19, 2011

Thank you

!Voidzy Jun 3, 2010 Interface Designer

A worthy DD.

~SubstituteSadist Oct 19, 2011

Awh shucks :3

~fatedartist May 20, 2009

lovely work! congrats on the DD

~SubstituteSadist May 20, 2009

_thanks!!

~AnUrbanNomad May 18, 2009 Student Writer

The thing about this is I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said. Especially since it's one in the morning and the whole deviantart world has commented on it at this point. But I love the imagery and I love the poem. It's making me want to write something right now, but I'm too lazy and the room I'm in doesn't have a lamp and I'd wake my little sister with the overhead light. So I'll have to write in the morning and if I don't remember to look at this I probably won't really write in the morning… And you don't have time for this. Sorry.

Love it. Also I love your "deal" with everyone. I did the same thing with my DD. Fav and runs drive me crazy.

~SubstituteSadist May 19, 2009

_{ahahaha!
i must admit i am guilty of the occasional fave and run. we ALL are.

but i do my very best to comment on things that move me. ^^

thank you so much for your kind words. i most definitely have time for anyone who puts that much into a comment. (:}

~AnUrbanNomad May 19, 2009 Student Writer

I've done it a few times. And always felt terribly guilty afterwards.

You're welcome and you deserved a well thought and coherent comment. I'm not sure if my comment did all that but if it did then great.

~SubstituteSadist May 19, 2009

_{it most certainly did. ^^}

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