i think i'm going to cry, and i don't understand because there really is no reason. things are going so well, a lot of good things are happening to me.
but all my friends seem to have people who have feelings for them, or people they have feelings for, or both. and sometimes i can't help but think "i've know them longer. i have a lot more in common with them.
why don't they have feelings for me?"
no one has actually be attracted to me in months. people tell me i'm pretty, talented, kind. and that's really nice of them. but every time someone compliments me it just reminds me of the fact that i do not feel 100% understood by anyone i know. people do not understand how fragile i am, how much i need to have someone tell me that i mean something to them. i am not strong. i wish i was. i can pretend to be strong. i can convince almost anyone that i am. but i'm not.
and i wish someone would just see that, and take me aside and just say that they are amazed by something about me.
that is really stupid and shallow and insecure, but i am so lonely i don't know if i care anymore.